Monday, November 29, 2010

The Five Love Languages

What Love Language do you speak?

This Thanksgiving weekend, I really thought a lot about what God's given me, and I am definitely most thankful for the relationships I have in my life. I've been thinking a lot about the way I show these people my love - how I let them know that I value them and care about them. I realized that a lot of the ways I show love have to do with food. Whether it's going out with friends and enjoying a yummy meal at a restaurant, or cooking up a storm for a loved one - food is prominent. I think I got that from my mum.


Have you ever heard of the Five Love Languages? These five "languages" are the different ways that we express and feel loved. And not just romantic love, even the way we show love to our friends and colleagues. Here they are:

1. Words of Affirmation.
This is the love language of people who need to hear that they are loved verbally. They like compliments and being told that they are loved and appreciated.

2. Quality Time.
This love language is important to people who need to spend time with people to feel loved. They want to sit down with you without distractions and just catch up over a coffee, or have a long phone date.

3. Gifts.
These people like to receive thoughtful gifts to know that they were thought of. It's not about money - they appreciate the fact that you were out somewhere, and saw something you thought they would like, and took the time and thought to get it for them.

4. Acts of Service.
Deed-doing is an important expression of love. These people feel love when you pick up the mail for them when they're out of town, or do the dishes when you come to visit. These people really feel special when you go out of your way to try and help them.

5. Physical Touch.
Hugs, holding hands, appreciative pats on the back - all these things are ways that these people can feel loved. They feel your love when you express it to them with physical contact.

My primary Love Languages is Quality Time. I need to spend time with people to feel like I am loved. I was talking with some fellow "Quality Time" friends the other week, and we all agree that one of the main ways that we can be hurt by others is when we plan multiple times to spend time with people, and they either cancel or never seem to be available. Have you ever met someone that you thought you really clicked with, and then tried to set dates to spend time with them, but they were always busy? After four or five times of that, I tend to give up.

Words of Affirmation are big to a lot of people, but words don't mean much to me. I am often bothered when people say "I miss you! Let's hang out!", but never go to the effort to actually plan that time with me that they said was important to them. Without that Quality Time, I feel like our relationship is being neglected.

So I guess that's the importance of food to me. I use it as a vehicle to spend time with the people I care about. Food to me is about Community. Talking over dinner, cooking with friends...


What about you? What is your primary Love Language?


Nicole Marie said...

i think i'm acts of service. i like to do things for my friends. take care of things for them. plan things for them. do things for them.

Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

I think i am a physical touch. Great post, love this desserts!

Sam {} said...

i never thought i was quality time until i got married. now that is definitely up there! i think i'm also a sucker for words of affirmation, especially if i know they are completely honest.

Ashley said...

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Dancing Branflake said...

Can you just make a book already so I can enjoy all your wonderfulness all the time? Loving those photographs and that sweet pie illustration.

Ashley said...

Words of affirmation. I appreciate a kind word like none other!

Nicole said...

Oh my goodness! I've heard of this before. In fact, I even took a little quiz to see which one I was once. My primary love language is acts of service, but I'm also fluent in physical touch.

I know that these five love languages aren't the only way to understand or have successful relationships, but I do think they help a LOT. It helps me better (but not fully) understand how to love people around me!

Your baked goodies look so delicious! Yum for sweets! I wish I could eat sweets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

Melanie's Randomness said...

Oh this post is exactly what I needed to read. I'm a quality time person. Words don't mean much to me either. Great post!! I learned alot! thank u!

Melanie's Randomness

Signe said...

Such an amazing post Dionne!
I am a Words of Affirmation kind of girl with a sprinkle of Physical Touch and Quality Time :)

And your food - as always - is to die for!


Phoenix said...

Hah, my therapist just recommended I check this out and here it is, on your blog!

I definitely like gifts, but not anything huge or expensive, just little tokens of "hey, I was thinking of you," and I definitely like physical touch as well.

While I love quality time, I can go a year without seeing a friend and pick up right where I left off, so I guess it's not as high on my priority list!

But when my boy cooks for me - I think of that as a gift AND quality time :)

Dionne said...

Hi Tracy,

What a coincidence!

I have a lot of friends in Cali that I don't get to see often, so my quality time with them is a phone date. That way I still have their time and get to "catch up".

Looking forward to our Quality Time in December!

Notes from Holly St. said...

This is a great post. I think I use food as a vehicle to share quality time with those that I love too.

jennifer ▲ i art u said...

loved the book on love languages! i think all of them are my languages honestly!!! if i had to narrow it down though it would probably be acts of service!

mel said...

i read this book over the summer. i'm a tie between quality time and words of affirmation. i liked they way that they suggested to figure it out - if you didn't get one of these things in your life, what would be the most hurtful? my boyfriend always thought i was a gift person, because of how hurt i was when he forgot a birthday, but really it was the fact i didn't get a card. getting the card with the written note in it is the best part of any gift.

shealennon said...

Wow, this was so interesting! I've heard of the love languages before but I haven't thought much about them. I definitely use food to show my love too, and I really feel loved when people do "acts of service". This made me think about how I can do a better job of showing love!

Kaye Prince said...

Wow, this is a really hard one! Going through the list I kept thinking "yup, that's me"...hmmmm, maybe I'm just starved for love, haha!

I think maybe "words of affirmation" describes me the most. I'm over-the-moon every time Alex tells me her loves me, and I can't get enough of people telling me that I'm important to them, that they're proud of me, or that I'm a good friend.

Tender Branson said...

Food is a great way of talking and enjoying others company. Unfortunately, with our group of friends I feel that it is more eating out vs cooking. I think making the food ourselves would enhance our conversations all the more.

Looking Glass said...

I agree. Quality time is a biggie. Although I'm not a phone talker. I prefer to actually see my loved ones face to face. What better way than over a sumptuous meal?

~ Clare x

styleforlife said...

I have to say ALL THE ABOVE and more, lol...fantastic post.

Can you send me that blueberry and chocolate tart please?

:-) xxxxxx Lovely blog...Emily

Miles Of Style said...

beautifully inspiring post. thanks so much for sharing!

just discovered your blog and i have to say i LOVE it!

do drop by mine too when you have some time. perhaps we can follow each other. :)


Carissa said...

I actually read The Five Love Languages when I was in high school. I really enjoyed it and thought it was spot on as far as describing the different ways of expressing and receiving love. it is hard for me to choose what my language is though. I guess I'm greedy and want them all! haha. I guess I would say that with friendships, quality time is definitely my love language. like you, I feel the relationship is neglected if I don't see my friends often enough. but in romantic relationships, I think words of affirmation and physical touch are how I feel loved...

by the way, I'll share some of that sweet corn bread with you anytime! :) it looks delicious!

(also, I'm so glad we will be meeting up again soon!)

k. davis said...

Quality of Time has always been my love language!! That tart looks scrumptious Dionne! Send one to Korea, okay?

the teacup chronicles said...

I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. It so helps to learn what someone's language is! I think mine is gifts/acts of service (sometimes they're the same). My other love language is blueberry chocolate tarts...

Nicole Egerer said...

Mmm.. the food looks so yummy! :) I'm going to have to make corn bread tonight too!

My love language is definitely quality time. There is nothing like just spending the day with your loved ones, whether that be your spouse or family or friends. I love this time of year because there is LOTS of time with the ones I love :)

Thanks for sharing!

Kind Regards,

avant garde said...

hmmm, i'm a cook not so much, ;) so therefore i'll go with quality time. definitely. but, i will say that one of the loves of my life cooks beyond belief and one of my favorite things to do (kind of like a seagull hovering around food) is to hang out around the stove while he is creating and talk, take in all of the smells and sometimes i just sit at the dinner table, sipping wine and watching him move while cooking. he's like watching an artist paint. really relaxing!

Gloria said...

what an interesting read! i'm QT time for sure

Sarah said...

oh yes, i'm quality time for sure! i love, and can't do without quality time. x

Tali Schiffer said...

Mine is first & foremost Physical time! I need the physical touch to really feel loved! Of course the second one for me is Words of Affirmation, cause it's always good to hear how much you're loved.
I reciprocate in that matter as well :)

Holly Knitlightly said...

This is really interesting! I haven't heard of this before. Hmm, I think mine would be quality time or physical touch.

The blueberry and chocolate tarts look DELICIOUS. I would love to dig into one of those right now! Haha.